Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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