bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
