She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I deserve this hangover.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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