Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think my moral compass just broke
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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