He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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