Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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