I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's blow job season.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
