Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
