Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
