i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
