i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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