sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it was like eating out sand paper
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
