Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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