we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
