quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
