There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
