apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
