She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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