i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
