Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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