wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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