yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?