please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up