Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"