i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.