Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever