Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet