i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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