____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
