This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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