Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
