Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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