i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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