Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
