seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Randomize
