Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do vagina's smell?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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