Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm really busy with my period
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