thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
