1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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