k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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