So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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