By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
