flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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