hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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