It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
