____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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