Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
