remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
