shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
