I wish i was in the wii world.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
