Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
