NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
