I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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