Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize