Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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