ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
