I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
