so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
