i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
