His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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