So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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