So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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