I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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