Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
