At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
