tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
