The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
