i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
