yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
