the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
