I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
