I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That's intense
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
