the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
even my farts smell like vagina
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
