Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
