Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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